Dear So-And-So

Click this to see everyone else's letters

 

Dear Weather,

Congratulations on reaching Summer temperatures. Now let’s work on the sunshine bit instead of these rubbish grey skies, eh?

Yours hopefully,

Sick-Of-Muggy-Grey-Days

 

*****

Dear Head,

I know you are officially a Fruit-and-Nut-Case but I’m a bit sick of it now to be honest. I have been to see the doctor today and I am now armed with anti-fruitloop tablets and I am not afraid to use them. Let’s cheer up and get our act together shall we?

Yours,

Sick-&-Tired-of-being-Sick-&-Tired

 

*****

Dear Local Pharmacy,

If it is going to take you almost 2 hours to decide you don’t have my daughter’s pescription stuff, don’t tell me to come back in half an hour to collect it. It just makes me irritated. And my miserable, crying, teething baby probably irritated everyone else in the queue too whilst we were waiting for you to tell us you didn’t have it.

You’d better have it tomorrow – my girl needs her skin cream.

Yours,

Bored-of-Waiting

 

*****

Dear Washing Up,

Do yourself? Please?

Yours,

Ever-Hopeful

Dear So-And-So

Click this to see everyone else’s de-stress letters

 

Dear Moths, Midges and other Summer Evening Insect-Life,

You live outside. I live inside. You are not invited. Go away.

Yours,

Fed-Up-Of-Chasing-You-Out

*****

 

Dear Arthur,

Bed time was ages ago. GOOOOOO TOOOO SLEEEEEEEP!

All my love,

Wanting-Some-Me-Time

*****

 

Dear Boyracers,

I’m bored of writing this letter now. Why are you not bored of razzing up and down the same six inches of tarmac in your lawnmowers? You’ll wear the road out soon.

Yours,

Fed-Up-And-Grumpy

*****

 

Dear Wednesday,

You scare me. You are quite welcome to not turn up this week.

Yours,

Nervous-Olympic-2012-GamesMaker-Wannabe

*****

 

Dear Tori,

We need to have a talk about your whirlwind skills – I’m only 23 but even I’m too old and slow to keep up with the chaos you create on entering a room…

All my love,

Very-Worn-Out-Mummy

*****

 

Dear Kat,

I love Dear So-And-So. Thank you

Loves,

Carole xx

Dear So-And-So

Click this to see everyone else's letters

Dear Jehovah’s Witnesses,

Not one visit in two years and then twice in three weeks. Really? Did Sy’s ‘I used to be one but now I’ve seen sense’ speech not go in the first time?

Yours,

Amused-But-Still-Not-Convinced

*****

Dear People Fitting The New Shower,

Please arrive today, 3 days showerless is 3 too many. Especially with 2 small children.

Yours,

Fed-Up-Of-Sink-Washes

*****

Dear Weekend Weather,

It is June & I am spending the weekend in a tent with two children under 2. Please don’t be mean to us.

Yours,

Slightly-Fearful-Mum-Of-Two

*****

Dear Breakfast,

Why are you never enough?

Yours,

Hungry

*****

Dear Packing,

Any chance of doing yourself (not the rude way)? No? Really?

Damn.

Dear So-And-So

Click here to link up & see everyone else's Dear So-And-So letters

Dear Chip-Resistant Nail Varnish,

You fail.

Yours,

Having-To-Reapply

*****

Dear Giant Wasp/Hornet,

Thank you for leaving so amicably yesterday. You were fascinating but also a little scary.

Yours,

Relieved-Wildlife-Lover

*****

Dear Doctor,

Before putting in my contraceptive implant you said – ‘You may get a slight bruise afterwards.’

You lied. I have a very definite hurts-like-a-female-dog bruise and I can’t even wash off the biro line you drew on me to show where it was going because it hurts too much to scrub.

Let’s be honest with each other next time, yeah? I’m a big girl now, I can take the truth.

Yours,

Touch-My-Arm-And-I’ll-Punch-You

*****

Dear Weather,

Be good for my cousin tomorrow. Sunshine in Yorkshire would be fab – wet weddings just aren’t the same…

Yours hopefully,

Looking-Forward-To-Wearing-A-Nice-Dress

*****

Dear Tori,

Any chance you could *not* throw up in the car on the way to the wedding? I know how hideous being travel sick is because I’m just the same but I have learned to control it a little. You being sick beside me however makes that control a little harder and I’d rather not join in.

Plus cleaning you up is a pain.

Thank you & all my love,

Dubious-but-Hopeful-Mummy

xxxxx

*****

Dear Arthur,

Thursday night was brilliant – sleeping from 9 til half four. Keep doing that and everyone will be much less grouchy in the mornings!

All my love,

Less-Tired-Than-Usual-Mummy

xxxxx

*****

Dear top 3 guitar strings,

The other strings stay vaguely in tune over-night – what’s your problem?

Yours,

Fed-Up-Of-Tuning

Dear So-And-So

Click here to link up & see everyone else's Dear So-And-So letters

Dear Prince William & Kate,

Only an hour and a half to go – good luck!!

Lots of Love,

Carole, Tori & Arthur (glued-to-the-tv)

*****

Dear Tori,

You are very snotty today – please accept this and let me wipe your nose without throwing a tantrum. Snot down to your chin is so not a good look….

All My Love,

Slightly-Disgusted-Mummy

xxxx

*****

Dear Arthur,

Your smiles this morning when you were playing with Hoo Pig were even more beautiful than all the dresses on the TV put together.

All My Love,

Mummy

xxxx

*****

Dear Victoria Beckham,

1) You are at the event of the year – SMILE for Heaven’s sake.

2) As pointed out on Twitter, your hat looks like a pork pie with a double helix stuck to it – was that the best one you had in your extensive wardrobe?

3) All black? It’s a wedding, not a funeral.

Yours,

Bemused-ex-Spice-Girls-fan

*****

Dear Sy,

I will do the housework after the Wedding – Royal Weddings happen once in a blue moon, housework is always there.

Sorry.

All My Love

Carole-e

xxxx

*****

Dear Most-Women-At-The-Wedding,

You all look like your hats are falling off the way you are wearing them halfway down your faces like that. Is it not horribly irritating??

Yours,

Clearly-Not-Fashionable-Commoner

*****

Dear So-And-So

Hop over here to see the other entries for this week!

Dear Arthur,

I’m sorry I took you to the hospital and let the mean nurses prod you and poke you and do the nasty blood tests but it’s all for the best.

I love you,

Mummy x

*****

 

Dear Sunshine,

Where’d you go? Come back!!

Yours hopefully,

Chilly

*****

 

Dear Sy,

Sorry I’m useless and grouchy and randomly burst into tears all the time at the moment. I’ll get better. Promise.

Love you,

Tired-and-Hormonal-Girlfriend

*****

 

Dear Body,

Sorry about the whole surviving on emergency supplies thing, Arthur hasn’t quite got the hang of sleeping at night instead of during the day yet. It’ll improve soon.

Yours,

Tired-Out-Me

*****

 

Dear Twits Outside,

I am very tired and very grumpy – if you start driving around like pillocks again, I may come outside and throw dirty nappies at your chavved up Metros.

You have been warned.

Yours,

Irritated-and-Tired-Mum-of-Two

*****

 

Dear Tori & Arthur,

I’m sorry if I’m a bit rubbish at the moment and don’t play with you enough/feed you on time/grumble about nappy changes/forget to bring biscuits on day trips/leave your favourite teddy at home when we go out. I’m still getting used to having two of you to look after and it’s easy to forget stuff. We’ll get there together though.

I love you,

Mummy

xxx

*****

 

Dear Self,

I will make some ‘me’ time soon and we can make friends again. I miss you.

Love,

Lost-In-Space-Me

Dear So-And-So

Dear Arthur,

Night time is for sleeping in. Not for being awake for hours staring around cutely, hiccuping, eating too much, throwing up all over Mummy/your bed/the floor, staring around some more and another lot of hiccups or two.

When you go for option two the next day is horrible because Mummy is a zombie and you are overtired.

Also, could you save your throwing up for when we are at home and not out with the pushchair? Please?

All My Love,

Zombie-Mummy

 

*****

Dear Sunshine,

Hello! We have missed you. Please stay a while – it is nice being able to wear Tori out in the park every day.

Yours,

Carole

*****

Dear Unmentionables,

Heat-rash in your location is just mean. Please stop suffering from it.

Yours,

Fidgety-And-Uncomfortable.

 

*****

Dear Breasts,

If there isn’t a baby attached, please don’t drip. Wet patches are not sexy.

Thanks.

Slightly-Soggy-Breastfeeding-Mum

 

*****

Dear Random Woman Outside,

I heard you tutting and muttering about me being very young, having two small children ‘and not one ring in sight’ as you walked past. You weren’t very subtle.

1.Thank you for thinking I look ‘too young’ – I choose to take that as a compliment in my current over-tired, unkempt state.

2. I got a bit podgy when I was pregnant. My engagement ring is on my necklace because I like having circulation in my finger.

3. What’s it got to do with you anyway?

Yours,

The-One-Who-Was-Tempted-To-Accidentally-Hit-You-With-The-Double-Buggy

Dear So-And-So

When you've read my letters click here to check out everyone elses!

Dear Mountain of Clean Washing

If you could just form an orderly queue and march yourselves into the appropriate drawers and wardrobes instead of loitering in the basket, that would be great.

Yours hopefully,

Lethargic New-Mum-Of-Two

 

*****

Dear Arthur,

Can you work on your timing please? Weeing just after I take your nappy off is not cool. Neither is filling your nice clean nappy 30 seconds after I finish getting you dressed again. Or throwing up on the only pair of clean trousers I have that fit me. Thanks.

All My Love,

Mummy

 

*****

Dear Everyone in Wem,

I am not great at driving the single stroller, the double one may take me a while to master. Forgive me if I get in your way, I will get better. Promise.

Yours,

The-Apologetic-One-That-Can’t-Steer-The-Cool-Double-Buggy-In-A-Straight-Line

 

*****

Dear Tori,

You are a rubbish advert for Johnson’s No More Tears formula. Please can you scream just a little less when Mummy washes your hair? It’s really not that bad. Honest.

All My Love,

Mummy

Dear So-And-So

Dear Arthur Harry,

You are beautiful. I love you.

All My Love,

Mummy

 

*****

Dear Tori Kathryn,

You are being brilliant with your new brother. I know he is a bit scary for you and you are being very brave and lovely. Especially when you try and share with him.

All My Love,

Mummy

 

*****

Dear Body,

Sorry about the last 9 months, particularly last Tuesday. But it was all worth it, I promise.

Yours,

Stiff-and-Achey

 

*****

Dear Spring,

You were here on Tuesday – where did you go?

Yours,

A Bit Chilly

 

*****

Dear CBeebies,

Why are you such compulsive watching? I keep forgetting to turn you off.

Yours,

Square-eyed and Brain-mushed

Dear So-And-So

Don't forget to hop over and read the other entries too!

 

Dear Brown-Dribbly-Stain-That-Keeps-Appearing-On-The-Inside-Of-The-Bathroom-Door,

1. What are you? – You make it look like we throw coffee around in our bathroom. (We don’t.)

Any ideas folks? Or is our bathroom just haunted?

2. Please stop coming back. – I keep cleaning you off and there you are two days later regardless.

Yours,

Puzzled-Housewife

*****

Dear BabyBump,

It is your official due-date tomorrow. You were supposed to be early. You clearly aren’t. Get on with it – February is running out and everyone has their birthday in March. Why not be different and not follow the crowd?

All My Love,

Fed-Up-Of-Waiting Mummy-To-Be

*****

Dear Royal Mail,

We do have a letter box. We like post. Please combine the two more regularly than you have been. Thank you.

Yours,

The Family At 14a

*****

Dear Tori,

Why have you suddenly decided it is fun to kick Mummy when she is trying to change your nappy? Mummy and Bump don’t like it much. Please stop it and go back to just trying to roll over/stand up. That was annoying but at least it wasn’t violent.

All My Love,

Battered-Mummy

*****

Dear Cross-Stitch,

I am sorry it’s been so long since I worked with you. You have made me feel much better today even though I did have to undo and redo a big bit earlier because I can’t count or tell the difference between ‘Light Grey’ and ‘Cream’. That is not really your fault, just me being thick.

Thank You,

Much-More-Relaxed-Than-This-Morning Carole

*****

Dear Everyone,

Thank you for putting up with me over the last few days. I’ve not been much fun but you have all done your best to make me smile. And succeeded many times. You are all brilliant.

Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Lots of Love,

Carole/@caroleheidi/Mummy